A Book Review: Offline – Teen Raising in a MySpace World by Chap Clark and Dee Clark

In this book, the Clarks address the topic of parenting teens in the 21st century. As in Chap Clark’s book, Wounded 2.0, describe in depth the development and characteristics of early, middle and late adolescence. This book is written from a Christian perspective using the Scriptures freely and presenting solutions from a biblical perspective. Our authors direct this book to Christian parents.

This book follows the first edition of Hurt (2004) and precedes Wounded 2.0 (2011) that were aimed at school and community workers. This publication of Baker’s book was published in 2007.

Chap Clark teaches youth, family and culture at Fuller Theological Seminary, is president of ParenTeen Seminars, senior editor of “Youthworker Journal,” and author of more than fifteen books. His wife, Dee Clark, is a family therapist and the co-author of two other books. Together, they have raised three children to adulthood.

In the first part: Understanding Today’s Teen Journey, the Clarks address how travel has changed since we were teenagers. At the beginning of the 20th century, there were children and adults. By the middle of the century, the transition between children and adults did not exceed five years. Today, teens endure a transition that lasts up to 15 years or more. While many adults today find it difficult to recognize the difference, the Clarks argue that, as a society, our young people suffer from “systemic neglect.” By “systemic neglect,” they mean that parents spend more money on things and spend more time taking their children to events, but not spending quality time with their children. Chap and Dee say that “we have brought our children into an environment where they have never been so ill-equipped to handle the world we have given them.” P. 72

Adolescents have three tasks to perform as part of “Individuation”, answering these questions: Who am I? What power do I really have? Where do I fit in? According to social scientists, adolescence begins with the average age of puberty in a community (biology) and ends when they have reached “individuation” (culture). Before 1900, puberty averaged at age 14 or older and individuation occurred at age 16. In 1980, puberty averaged at age 13 and individuation occurred at 18. Finally, in 2007 the average age of puberty was 12 and individuation occurred in the mid-20s. P. 63 Now, puberty can start at age 11.

The second part – Parenting through the seasons explore different eras in life. Quoting Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, the authors point out that there are different times in the lives of our children. Our authors indicate that parents have five tasks: understand, show compassion, “outline”, trace / guide and launch into adulthood. In four successive chapters they present childhood, early adolescence (middle school), middle adolescence (high school), and late adolescence (young or emerging adults). They present an illustration of the process in the form of a tightrope; childhood and adulthood are on both sides (dependence and interdependence) while adolescence is a long tightrope where they are alone to work on the tasks of individuation (independence). During that time, these teens need stability and family security, including a home where parents are in charge and, in addition, a home that is fun.

Middle adolescents respond to neglect by forming their own “underground family” with their friends. Chap and Dee spend a chapter contrasting what teens say, how parents interpret it, and what teens really mean. I am a little hesitant to endorse this entire chapter, but what I do take away from this chapter is that we need to listen to our young people and continue the conversation to determine what they really want to say. They may not even know what they mean.

Finally, in the last chapter, the Clarks discuss their model of successful parenting: parenting as a partnership, the three levels of partnership. Using 1 Corinthians 12:27, they recognize that as Christians, parents are part of the Body of Christ. As individuals, we “associate with Christ”; As a couple, we “associate with our spouse, who are“ personally associating with Christ. ”When the children arrive home, the next level of association appears. Finally, they recommend forming a group of families that are responsible to each other and they have a loving interest in everyone in the group. This is how they see children as parents “taking over a village.” When Chap referenced this in Wounded 2.0, I was a bit hesitant because Hurt Y Wounded 2.0 they were aimed at the community and schools. However, in this book, addressing parents who have the option to include or exclude other families at their association level, I am more comfortable with this idea, as it is based on biblical principles. He called these other individuals / families “soul mates” and emphasizes that they are “soul mates” to both spouses, not just one of them. They conclude with the following:

1. “Every parent should seek to know, love, and follow Jesus Christ.

2. Both parents must be a cohesive and impenetrable unit of strength and love.

3. The family must be surrounded by close friends in community, or soul mates and

4. Single-parent families need soulmates. “P. 192-193

My concerns regarding how Dr. Clark viewed family and church (Hurt 2.0 review) have been greatly alleviated. In addition to addressing Christian parents in Disconnected, has brought this model to the community and school leaders in the form of the 5: 1 project: five adults in a positive relationship with each adolescent (http://www.parenteen.org). Certainly, in a Christian context, we have more reason to believe that God will be pleased to bless our efforts, and yet salvation is of the Lord. Additionally, the Clarks have spent some time with the cause and have come up with some practical ways that they can help parents, especially Christian parents, establish a nurturing home for our youth.