How do children view divorce and the pain behind it?
No child should have to watch their parents divorce and live with the consequences. That is why many of the problems that cause it are hidden from them. They may not know how the violence starts or why the arguments are so persistent. Similarly, they may never realize the pain that one or both parents are going through. Only when it happens in front of them will they know of the physical and verbal abuse that occurs.
Is it wrong, therefore, to protect children from these things? Wouldn’t it be better to get to know them in order to form an opinion for yourself? On the other hand, do parents keep these things to themselves for fear that a child will talk about it with others?
Even that doesn’t seem like a logical explanation. Surely a child has a right to know what is causing their home to break up. Are they not interested in being able to decide who is right or who is wrong?
Having been through a divorce and working overtime to keep the reasons to myself, I deprived my children of their right to know. However, things come up in her later years and it will be the mother who takes the blame for the bad things that happened in the past. It is also likely that her father will minimize her mother and cause a rift between her and her children to get back at her for leaving him.
In Australia in recent years we have seen parents commit some outrageous acts of revenge of this nature. A man threw her five-year-old daughter off a bridge in Melbourne as she was on her way to return her children to her mother after a weekend visit. It was going to be the girl’s first day of school.
Another father drove a car with his three children into a lake and killed them while taking them to their mother. He then called her and told her that the children were dead.
Over and over again the horrors of divorce and revenge are enacted. A loving father will always be with his children and protect them. But there are some things you don’t need protection from. It is my opinion that the reasons for divorce and the breakdown of the home is one of them.
Maybe if I had never had the experience and didn’t have a grown son accusing me of not loving him enough because he had a bad haircut in a school picture, it wouldn’t bother me. But he does it because now there is no way he can see my point of view or know of the immense burden that was placed on me at that time. Maybe one day he will understand.