How to get to know a disabled person

When you first meet someone who is blind, deaf or in a wheelchair, what is your initial reaction? Curiosity? Compassion? Clumsiness? If you are experiencing any of these emotions, you are not alone. Chances are you don’t regularly associate with someone with a disability, so these feelings are quite common.

Having been blind from birth, I have been met with a wide range of reactions, from curious stars when I walk down the street with a cane or on someone’s arm, to wonder at being able to feed and clothe myself. Most people don’t mean to be rude or insensitive, but just aren’t sure what to expect. Here are four points to keep in mind if you meet a disabled person.

1. People with disabilities can lead an active life. With few exceptions, a disability does not prevent someone from working, raising a family, or participating in social activities. Many sports and recreational programs have been adapted to accommodate a person with a disability, including baseball, golf, water skiing, bicycling, and swimming. Instead of focusing on the disability, look at the person the same way you would any other acquaintance.

2. It’s okay to ask questions. Many people are afraid of offending someone by asking them about their disability. When meeting someone for the first time, it’s natural to be curious about who they are, where they’re from, and what they do for a living.

The same is true for a disabled person. It’s generally okay to ask questions, as long as you use common sense. For example, don’t ask a blind person how she eats and bathes. Instead, find out what equipment or techniques they use at work and at home, how they get around town, how Braille works, etc.

3. Offer assistance when needed. You see a woman in a wheelchair having trouble entering a building or negotiating steps. You’d like to help her, but you don’t want to embarrass her. What should you do?

It’s usually appropriate to lend a hand if someone is having an obvious difficulty, but keep in mind that not everyone will be willing to accept your help. It’s not much different than stopping and offering assistance to a motorist with a flat tire. Unless the woman in the wheelchair is in danger, there is no need to insist if they refuse to help. You did your part.

4. Remember that we all have obstacles to overcome. No matter who we are, each one of us has a weakness or a challenge to face. How do you feel when you are treated differently because you are bald, short or heavyset? Like you, a person with a disability would rather be accepted for who they are than be pitied or rejected for their disability. Many friends and colleagues have told me: “I often forget that you are blind.” To me, that’s the highest compliment.

Meeting someone with a disability doesn’t have to be an intimidating experience. Asking questions, offering help, and putting yourself in their shoes can go a long way toward recognizing them as people with normal thoughts and feelings who simply have a disability. Who knows? You may make new friends in the process.