My husband is very evasive while we are apart, what can I do?

Sometimes I hear from wives who don’t know what to think about their husband’s behavior during a marital separation. Often when the wife tries to get a reading on how things are going or if the husband might be thinking of coming home, she doesn’t get a straight answer. Instead, she gets a husband who is frustratingly elusive. And this often leaves her wondering if she is wrong to hold out any hope or if she is simply wasting her time.

I heard a wife say, “My husband and I have been separated for almost two months. I think this is more than enough time for him to make a decision about what he wants to do with our marriage.” di. But it seems like he’s no closer to committing to me and our marriage than he was right before the split. Because I’m tired of waiting, I’ve started asking him directly what he plans to do. I’ll say things like ‘so where do you plan to live next month?’ Or ‘how do you feel about me today?’ I never get a straight answer. He says something like ‘I’m still evaluating.’ Or ‘honestly, my feelings are still all over the place. I just don’t know.’ This makes me very angry. If he knows our marriage is over or not anymore He feels nothing for me, I wish he had the courage to say it. Don’t give me an honest answer. Why would he do this? And how can I make him stop?

This is a very common concern. Too often, wives hope that once they give her husband his space, he will realize how much he misses and loves her and will want to come home and save the marriage in record time. When this does not happen, they assume the worst and then aggressively pressure or question her husband, which can further deteriorate the situation.

I know you want and deserve answers. But I also know from experience that you are much more likely to succeed if you push back against negativity and pressure. In the following article, I will describe what I think is the best strategy in this situation.

If it doesn’t answer your questions, try leaving them for a while. Or think of expressing them another way: When you feel like your marriage is on the line, it’s all too easy to keep trying strategies that have already been shown not to work. The reason for this is that you are so scared that common sense leaves you. And he’s so determined to need these answers that he’s determined to get them by any means necessary.

This is what you need to remember. The more you apply pressure, the more he’ll get frustrated and defensive. And the more impatient you are, the more likely he is to tell you that if you’re so focused on an answer, then he’s going to have to settle for a negative answer simply because you couldn’t wait.

I know how this feels. But frankly, I learned that it was better to give him more time so that I could still hold out at least some hope than to push and all but ensure that because of my insistence on an answer, his response would be that we should just stay besides.

I know that the delay only makes this situation feel worse. But honestly, what would be even worse than the scenario now is for him to say that he wants the separation to be permanent or that he wants a divorce. If you have to wait a bit longer to avoid this, I think it’s worth it.

Some wives understand my approach, but admit that they just can’t stop asking for status. If this is your situation, I suggest you try to distract yourself when you feel the need. And if you can’t do that, you might want to rephrase the questions to make them sound more positive. So instead of saying things like, “Have you decided when you’re going to come home? You might say, “Have you made any progress since you were away for a while?” Or instead of, “Have you resolved your feelings about me and me? marriage?” you might try “Are things clearer to you now? Or are you still evaluating?”

The way you deliver this message is vital. You don’t want to sound accusatory or impatient. You don’t want to phrase this in a way that sounds like a demand. Because it’s so hard to say these words and make them sound understanding and right, I suggest you stay positive when you’re around him and back off on questions, knowing that when he’s ready to share his feelings, he will. . Or that, alternatively, when things have improved so dramatically between you that he’s ready to come home, then this will be obvious.