My husband no longer finds me attractive: tips and advice that can help

Few of the emails I receive are as filled with pain and frustration as those from wives whose husbands have told them or blurted out that he no longer finds them attractive. Many issues and problems in marriage are painful, but being told by the person you love that there is something wrong with your physical appearance or that “the chemistry is gone” because of it is a brutal slap in the face, one you know you need to get over. because physical attraction is an important component of marriage. Still, it might surprise you to learn that this “you’re not attracted to anymore” business is often the result of something else entirely rather than how you see yourself. I will address this more in the next article.

Attractiveness is not just about how you look, how old you are, or how much you weigh:A lot of wives come into this with a kind of defeatist attitude because they literally can’t turn back the clock or go back in time. Most of us are doing the best we can, but time changes our faces and bodies and kids sometimes gain weight, so this all seems extremely unfair, especially since your husband probably looks very different too.

But before you throw in the towel, know that it’s often not all about the things you can’t change. It really is partly your attitude and your level of confidence. And, in part, it depends on how you feel about the relationship and the reward you get from it. There are millions of men who are totally devoted to wives who aren’t beauty queens but who take care of themselves, understand their husband (and her needs) very deeply, and prioritize intimacy and connection in their marriages.

Here is the truth. Often, how a man feels about his wife, his marriage, and his life is reflected almost entirely in how he feels about himself. His wife is part of that package and he wants her to be physically attractive because this is reflected in her attributes and her ability to attract and keep a desirable woman. But, “desirable” is in the eye of the beholder. What one man finds attractive to look at will not be so good for another.

And, how attractive he sees you one day (when everything is fine between you) can differ markedly from how he feels on another day (when he doesn’t feel intimate and connected with you). Keep this in mind because you are often having a bad relationship. day or finding fault with other areas of your life is not your fault and you should not be held responsible for it. Often this will pass as you begin to navigate other issues in your life. But you can use this as an opportunity for introspection and self-improvement if this applies to your situation.

How do YOU ​​rate your attractiveness?:Often when women write to me with this problem, I ask them, if they’re being honest, are there any concerns they’ve had themselves? Is there anything you agree with? Some will say they’d feel better if I lost a few pounds or perhaps highlighted my hair to draw more attention to her eyes (the feature her husband once loved). If any of the things your husband says about her ring true, there’s nothing wrong with using this as an opportunity to improve yourself, as long as you do it for yourself and not just for him.

There are very easy ways to make the most of your attributes and downplay the features you don’t like. Eating healthy and taking care of yourself only benefits you and your children, as well as your husband. I always advocate doing the best you can and making the most of what you have. What I don’t advise is doing procedures you really don’t want just to please someone else or try to hit a moving target. Human beings are imperfect. we get old We will never look perfect. But, if we bring out the best in ourselves with self-love and confidence, then THAT will be attractive to those who love us for other things: our easy laugh, our open heart, our love of life and our families, etc.

Know what is attractive to most husbands:I talk to men (husbands) quite often on my blog. They often tell me things that they would find attractive in her wives (that they often wish she had more). Most women will say things like big chest, blonde hair, or long legs, or things that only come on the surface. This is not what men list when they talk to me. Often the two phrases they use the most are enthusiasm and confidence. They want to know that you are 100% there and that you would rather not be anywhere else. They want to know that you value them as much as work or children. They want to know that you are “interested” in both marriage and intimacy with each other. A woman who is warm and whose maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10 is, I promise, is going to be more attractive to the man who loves her for how she makes him feel than one who has a huge 10 but doesn’t. does. Not “getting it” or having that emotional connection.

You know he loves how you look. He feels in love with you once. Now, he just needs to turn the combination back on where he can be excited and confident. And honestly, I find that this often has more to do with the wife than the husband. She is secretly annoyed by her appearance and she always asks her husband if she looks fat, if she can see her double chin, if she looks older, etc. You don’t want to put these ideas into his head. You want to get to a place where you are happy and love yourself because this is going to seep into him and into your marriage.