Searching for people: the first contact letter

You have decided to look for that special person. The person can be a family member, a former friend and colleague from the past, or a neighbor who moved away years ago. No matter who you are looking for, it is sure to be an emotional experience for everyone when you locate the person. When you find the person, a contact letter is the best way to make that initial connection.

Remember, even though you may have been searching for that special someone for months, you may be completely unaware of your search. The long-lost person may be anxious to even see your name, never mind hearing your voice or seeing you in person. In adoption cases, the biological parent may remarry with additional children and require time to personally adjust to the idea and discuss the situation with family members. When a dispute has occurred, there may be unresolved feelings of anger, sadness, or guilt. Even in situations where you parted amicably with a former partner, the person needs to get used to her desire to reunite. Making a phone call or showing up at someone’s door could alarm the person and even discourage them. A letter informs the person that you are looking for and allows him to get used to her possible presence.

The content of your letter should be light, thoughtful and optimistic. You may have more than one address for the name of the person you are looking for, so keep in mind that the letter may be sent to multiple people. The letter and envelope must be handwritten and the outside of the envelope must be marked ‘Personal’ in the upper left corner. Also include a self-addressed, stamped envelope in reply. Make a master list of the addresses to which you are sending the letter and number them. On the inside flap of the return envelope, print each number so you know who responded. An example of a suitable letter is:

Dear ***,

Excuse me for writing you out of the blue, but I’m looking for my father ***. I am sending this letter to everyone with that name that I can locate. If you are the *** I am looking for, please reply using the enclosed self-addressed envelope. I’m happy and well, but I think of you often. I hope we can correspond and perhaps meet at your convenience. I would love to know more about you and hear the latest news.

If you’re not the *** I’m looking for, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’d really appreciate it if you could return my letter in the envelope provided so I can cross you off my list.

Thank you so much. I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

Such a letter is an honest and non-threatening way of making initial contact. The letter provides basic information about you and your intentions, which will make the recipient feel more comfortable. Also, if the recipient isn’t the intended party, it serves as a polite request for a response so you can remove them from your list.

Sending such a letter can start a new adventure for you and the long lost person. Let go of any pre-existing fantasies and expectations, take your time and keep it enjoyable. Pretending to need and trying to get into a new relationship could sabotage your chances of establishing a real relationship with that special someone.

An investigator and genealogist is trained in the techniques of locating missing persons and organizing meetings. Using a qualified professional as a mediator saves time, energy, and produces better results because they know where and how to look for someone. In addition, they have developed essential interpersonal skills that make them sensitive enough to make effective initial contact with that long-lost person. Having a trained mediator could ensure a successful meeting with that special someone.