Digital Marketing

Actually? The crazy world of meeting women online

I joined a few days ago. I’ve been on Match 4-5 times since the early 2000’s. I joined because they have the largest database of potential partners. Before I came back to Match, I was on a couple of smaller “niche” dating sites, but they didn’t have enough members to be effective in what is essentially a numbers game.

At this point, I recently only “dated” one person I met on a dating site. I was more interested in her than she was in me, and we ended up being friends with her, but she woke me up, opening me up slightly to realize how much I want a partner in my life. But since I still can’t talk about the internet dating part this time, this article will focus on meeting people. It will also focus on a man’s perspective, but I hope it will be useful for women as well.

The last time I was on Match, my inbox literally exploded with over 90 responses to my profile in a couple of days, and that’s happening again as I write this. I don’t chalk that up to me being some kind of fabulous guy (although I think I am!). I think the real reasons my inbox explodes are twofold: One, as a professional writer and men and couples counselor, I write a pretty good profile, and I’d like to think that’s part of it, but I also think it’s because I’m fresh meat.

Fresh red meat. To quote the Eagles, “There’s a new boy in town.” The ladies are older, yes, but there is a large market of women 60 and over, divorced and widowed, looking for a partner.

I only need one. What is correct.

Separated, Not Divorced

I don’t jump right in when a previous relationship ends. I’ve been married twice and my personal style is to re-know who I am as a single person before unfairly foisting myself on a potential new partner. Consequently, I am somewhat amazed that a part of the women who initiate contact with me are only separated, their divorces not yet finalized.

I can’t help but wonder how someone can move on to another relationship before their current relationship is complete. It may be over, but it is certainly not complete and it is doubtful that such a person would have had a chance to fully heal. It’s too fast. My experience supports the idea that these are people who can’t stand being alone and invariably end up dragging the issues from the last relationship into the new relationship, creating a cycle of broken relationships. When one of these women contacts me, I politely decline the engagement as I am not interested in dating someone who is still married. This is not a moral judgment. It is a discernment based on knowledge of how things normally work. Not always of course, but who wants to roll those dice?

the young woman

I am amazed at the number of likes I get from women who are younger than my two daughters. My first thought is always, “what are you thinking?” Some actually invite me in for a chat, but most don’t and are just flirting through their likes, probably fishing for an older man who will accept them for whatever reason, including supporting them, or being a sugar daddy, or simply seeking paternal approval that they probably didn’t get from a male figure earlier in life.

Perhaps some of them are bothered by the awkwardness of many young men and are looking for a degree of non-threatening contact from men who are easily appeased and tend to their own shortcomings with older women. There may be a small number of young women – and men – who really benefit from one of these May-December relationships, but here we go again, rolling the dice on something that has a reasonably slim chance of working out.

My personal rule of thumb about dating by age has been that I probably won’t even consider someone who isn’t at least 10 years older than my oldest daughter. That is becoming less of an issue as my oldest daughter is turning 50 next year. I also like the concept of “age-appropriate” dating, whatever that means for each individual, and it’s a personal choice.

Do you have a friend

Clearly, some of the strangest emails I receive are the ones in which someone claims to be writing for a friend. They start by saying that their account is expiring soon, that they are not renewing, and that they have a very shy friend who would be a perfect match for me, and here is the email address and a warning to treat it with care because it is very fragile.

This is wrong on many levels. First, it violates Match’s policy of not giving out email addresses on first contact. Secondly, there is no denying that there are many fragile and broken people in the world, but (1) why would they accept an email from someone they don’t know if they are so shy and (2) why would I want to get involved with someone who is so fragile and broken? Does my shadow love your shadow?

This is a scam and I wonder if they are specifically targeting older people like me, which brings me to…

The older man and age discrimination

That would be me. I’m not suggesting that she would or should date older men. I mean how weird it is to be in the situation I’m in: I’m turning 73 at the end of this month, and I was pretty sure I’d still be happily married for the rest of my life. I never imagined that I would be in a situation where I am not just writing this article, but on looking for a partner, hopefully the last great love of my life, and trying to figure out what exactly that means. I mean 73! Definitely uncharted territory.

The first thing that comes to mind is that, at 73, I seem to be at the higher end of the older men’s Match group. It’s not the oldest, but definitely close enough that it doesn’t matter. There’s good news and bad news: The good news is that there are plenty of men in their 60s who look older than me. The bad news is that I have bad knees which are hopefully replaceable, and that is my next step as alternative regenerative stem cell therapy did not work for me despite promises.

Earlier in this article, I touched on the woman who woke me up and gave me the gift of knowing that I could love again. I was hoping that I would be able to, which is why I joined a dating site in the first place. She is 60 years old and at first she was skeptical of even meeting a 72 year old man and I was put in the position of looking for a “younger” woman. Using her humor, I charmed her into meeting me and we both immediately hit it off and I am extremely grateful for her valuable friendship.

One of the challenges here is that, on the one hand, some women, both young and old, say that age is relative, that age is just a number. they are correct. On the other hand, if another woman says that a certain age is too old, or a man says that a woman is too young, they are also right. Yes, both can be true.

When I first went on a dating site a few months ago, I remember thinking, “A lot of these women look like my aunt,” and then one morning I walked in front of my mirror and realized that I look like my uncle. Welcome to my awareness of my own ageism.


It is interesting that the drive to love and be loved is so strong in us, no matter our age. I’m grateful to my friend for helping me wake up so I don’t decide I’m just going to be alone. I considered… briefly.

However, while I’m searching, I’m also building the best life I can for myself and I’m going to have fun doing it. In the meantime, I am now in a relationship with _______ (insert your dating site name here), and will eventually replace him with someone I know.

So thanks for reading. My hope is that some of this has given you insight into your own relationship, existing or longed for. Maybe you’ll be inspired to fix your existing relationship so you don’t end up going through this in your life. If you’re not in a relationship, you may be inspired to open your heart to the possibility of love, no matter your age. Any path is a guarantee that you are still alive and vibrant.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I’m going to check if I have a new mail from Match!

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