mother daughter relationships
Even before the birth of a daughter, a mother is creating something special: a mother-daughter relationship. A transformation is taking place between mother and child throughout her nine months of pregnancy. The maternal bond begins to develop during the nine months of pregnancy and forms a special bond with her unborn child. The chemistry of the bond is unlike any other bond or relationship a woman has ever experienced, it is a miracle of life that she has brought into this world and to which she will always be connected. A mother is not thinking how she can have a mother-daughter relationship, it happens instinctively. The mother produces a bonding chemical known as oxytocin which is produced during lactation. The oxytocin chemical produced by the mother reduces anxiety with both mother and child. A mother’s subconscious behavior in raising her child is natural, and the emotions she has are stronger than words can express. After the birth of the child, the special bond continues and develops emotionally and physically. The chemistry of the bond is formed through all the senses of smell, touch, verbal and non-verbal cues, and taste. These precious moments are internalized by both mother and daughter, thus the mother-daughter relationship is formed.
A mother-daughter relationship is different from a mother-son relationship in that her purpose is to guide her daughter to become a woman. The daughter needs a mother’s guidance and support in friendships, how to choose friends, and how to be a friend. By teaching her daughter to become a woman, she conveys to him the joy of having a family and love. If any of these components are missing from a healthy mother-daughter relationship, then it becomes a dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship.
When you are young you idolize your mother, she is a goddess. You have costume days where you try on lipstick, jewelry, and heels. As you grow up, your thoughts are to be like mom a wife, mother, or to pursue her career path. A daughter follows her mother’s cues, if she bakes (daughter wants to bake, if she is on the computer or on the phone) she imitates the mother’s behavior. A daughter is forming her own interpretations of her mother about how she sees her mother on a day-to-day basis.
Then it all comes to an eruption at thirteen, when Mom becomes the most ignorant and out of touch in the world. The daughter can’t get away from her mother fast enough and the estrangement begins. Hormones change, and the daughter who idolized her mom is ashamed of mom’s dress, because, and of all mom’s presence. The young teenager wants her space, she wants to become her own person. As she gets older, she will show disgust at anything her mother and her father say or do. Most daughters turn against their mother and count if any rules are imposed on them. This behavior creates friction in the mother-daughter relationship during adolescence and usually changes by the time she is in her twenties.
It is very common for mothers to misinterpret the behavior of their daughters. The mother may take it personally and not take into account the biological changes her daughter is going through. During the rebellious stage of the daughters, things can be said by the parents, out of pure frustration. Due to the lack of awareness of the parents how it can affect the self-esteem of the child. Parents will need to take the stance in their approach to reduce the distance between mother and daughter. When there is no understanding between both parties, disagreements, perspectives and beliefs will carry over into adulthood and continue with mutual animosity. However, some relationships miraculously change when the daughter is in her twenties or thirties, and another phase of the mother-daughter relationship takes place.
If a woman does not heal her relationship with her mother, she will continue to destroy her own mother-daughter relationship. It is never too late to make amends, forgive, or simply let go of the past to heal your relationship with your mother.