Are you a believer in romantic love… Why?

The current ‘atmosphere’ of dating and relationships seems to be circulating the sentiment of “I want it, but do I?”. I walk past young lovers in Paris (I’m in Paris at the moment) and see many couples enjoying the energy of the city and each other, playing flirting games of “I love you” and “what else can you offer me?” – and they are genuinely happy. I also walk past others who are reflecting with a friend on how they like this guy or that girl and what the prospect might be of being with this person and getting excited about it. And I began to wonder: what makes us seek romantic love and affection with a person.

Although I read and hear a lot of cynicism about dating, finding lasting love, and marriage or commitment, I still see plenty of people seeking, enjoying, and loving romantic love. And I’m not in the world of online dating. I see it in the streets, parks, bars and venues of Paris. In the couples and families in my building. In the summer holidays of those who travel through France. And on a day-to-day basis, people still hold hands as if there is something deeply satisfying about being with someone.

One of the researchers of romantic love is Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist who has studied the search for romantic love in more than 90 cultures around the world, both today and our past. Dr. Fisher’s research has elaborated the hormonal drives and personality profiles of love based on the body’s 4 hormones, estrogen, serotonin, testosterone, and dopamine.

What intrigued me about some of Dr. Fisher’s talks is that she still has no answers as to why we seek romantic love outside of the motivating factors of hormonal drives. She has certainly mapped out the motivators and honestly and sweetly says that there is still one piece not covered by her research that may explain why for thousands of years of mankind there is such a continual search, fascination and interest in romantic love, but her research shows that the obsession with romantic love is constant in all cultures throughout time and the world.

On the streets of Paris, I see young couples joking around and sharing their different points of view as they embrace and connect in what seems like a safe place in a world full of change. And I think to myself that these lovers are in the middle of a period of history that has the most change and the most humans on the planet. In her quiet sanctuary to provide solitude for two: a quiet place where two people can engage in the simplest activity of connection, two people committed to each other in the hope or joy that this couple brings a depth of feeling they cannot find . in the world. And in that sense, they may also feel the precariousness of resisting their lover, saying no, I don’t like that, and having their lover respond with a deep need or desire to keep their lover happy or to hold her affection. And then I think to myself, but humans have felt and thought that they were caught in the worst of times throughout many periods of history. Paris itself has seen darker days as many of its museums and sites attest.

Is it that humans yearn for safety and security with someone in a world where there is no one to truly defend or celebrate them?

I have often wondered, if we long for such security as adults, why isn’t the love of our mother or father enough (if they are alive)? Why do we look for a romantic love that is not the love of a loved one? family member. Some of us don’t like our families, so looking for a romantic love interest is a good way to find someone who likes you, celebrates you, validates you, despite your family.

Entering as a couple gives you a sense of anchor in the world and a clear position in social structures. However, when you are single or a free agent, you might be subconsciously perceived as a potential threat to the species, because your role in the tribe is undefined and undefined, like you might steal a mate in a pair or provide sexual competition. or interest that undermines the perceived stability of a partner. As a couple, they can be seen as a more stable and predictable “economic unit.” However, if you are single, you could represent something that is ‘unknown’, your agenda, your ‘orientation’ in the world is unclear. What is your reason for being as a sole agent?

The irony is that many people will now face being single for periods after being in a relationship, because relationships don’t last a lifetime these days.

Are we at the end of thousands of years where ‘long-term relationship equals lifelong relationship’ means we’re clinging to an old way of defining ‘safety’ as being in a relationship and don’t know how to go beyond it? that?

Many of my older friends who have left a marriage or relationship feel like they have to accept, at some point, that it’s okay if they’re not in a relationship. And for some they realize that it is a powerful place to arrive: a final acceptance that they are who they are. They may be single or alone, and they are fine with it and even happy.

However, I still see people of all ages shine when they meet someone who enlightens them. And that’s the piece that still moves me.

Here are my thoughts on why we as the human race continue to believe in romantic love (regardless of the political climate, the planet’s atmosphere, or modern dating trappings):

two humans uniting with him expect of bringing out the best in each other satisfies a deep human need to know and experience oneself as a lovable, generous, flawed, and despite flaws, acceptable human being that can make another person feel the same and even create the opportunity for that. person you love to be more than they are.

And for some, it’s motivated by the desire for this person to accept you and bring out a part of you that you just can’t find on your own, but you suspect, intuit, believe, and hope that this other person will find a way to do it. manifest this hidden part of yourself.

exist No many places in our adult lives, where we play that role for each other.

Another way to put romantic love is that it is our unconscious drive and our soul’s need to discover what is hidden from us that the hope of romantic love offers the opportunity to get up close and personal.

For my part, I am a believer in romance.

However, I don’t expect romance to be ‘simple’ because the best of intentions, unless driven by some good common sense skills on how to treat a human being, cannot live up to the ideals of romantic love.

i am really interested to know why you can be a believer or a fan of romantic love.

Let me know your motivations – comment on this blog post. Or email me at [email protected]