Cancer Watch – The terrible syndrome of scan day
Virtually all cancer patients have an unspoken fear of what the next round of tests will reveal. Perhaps the dread of the day of the scan (and the terror of a bad result) is worse among the population of survivors who have experienced remission than among those currently engaged in fighting active disease. I have often seen a version of this fear expressed by those who do not want their remission discussed for fear that the cancer will return. I have even heard of those contemplating suicide rather than face the anguish of disconfirmation. This ghost can be, and has been, defeated, but to do so it must be recognized for the dangerous impostor that it is.
I don’t recall ever seeing any writer comment on what I now call EXPLORER’S DAY SYNDROME. I know from personal experience how real it is. I am now discovering that its prevalence is widespread among the cancer population. So much so that I believe it is time for us as a nation to take this syndrome out of the dark closet and look at it in the light of day. I firmly believe that a full exposure of this latent fear will reveal it for the delusion that it really is. A woman whom I had successfully counseled from prognostic death to complete remission brought to my attention the magnitude of this problem. In a private message she sent me, she told me that fear led her to the firm conclusion that her cancer had returned. This is a very good take on the dark side of Mind/Body medicine in that images of death can evoke very real symptoms that usually manifest as aches and pains. In this message, this woman even expresses the shame of the failure because she has lost the remission and all this with the actual scan still several weeks away. This can be seen in the wording of two sentences of this message as follows:
“–Jerry, I am experiencing fear as the day of my next CT (lung) scan approaches in another month. I have been having a lot of pain in my shoulder and hip (especially at night). My throat is constantly swollen and I have I have had earaches for months now I have been trying to ignore these new developments hoping they will go away I fear the worst that the cancer has returned and it is not only in my lungs but also in my bones and brain brain. riddled with headaches–“
My response to this troubled woman was as follows:
To help you deal with these anxieties, I would first like to reassure you that you are not alone. This experience seems to be almost universal among cancer patients. I would like to share with you some of the darker side of my own experience. I feel there is a relationship to what you are currently experiencing. I am beginning to think that many who read my book, THREE MONTHS TO LIFE, have the idea that I was a positive thinker at full speed every step of the way. This is simply not true and if I have given that impression, I may have done myself a disservice. I wrote in the introduction to the book that we are not heroes, just ordinary people recruited to fight a war without our consent. Consequently, we are all subject to those depths of fear that seem worse in the dead of night. I can remember that for the first couple of years after my “miracle,” the approach of “scan day” filled me with unspoken dread. Every part of my body began to ache and I could barely get out of bed for fear of what the new day might bring. I know very well the symptoms that you describe because I have felt them all. Yes, even the headaches got worse for me since I knew that rcc met have a high tendency to go to the brain. In short, every four months for over 2 years brought a repeat of this nightmare scenario. I have never fully discussed these feelings, not even with my wife. I suspect that if she had, even the closest friends would have gotten sick of hearing it after the first few times.
Of course, I can’t assure you that you won’t have recurrent cancer. These aches and pains don’t prove you do either. Having said all that, I can confidently tell you that my ghosts finally evaporated with the dawn of a new day as I finally realized that they were just residual effects of an experience that must have originated in the pit of hell. Along the way I began to realize that when I actually had a huge cancerous tumor growing inside my body, I wasn’t actually in pain. Realizing this allowed me to say to those pains, “You’re not really cancer, just anxiety trying to keep me at your fingertips for whatever bad purpose you’re trying to serve.”
For the sake of “knowing your enemy”, it must be understood that there are two types of pain: anguish, which is the pain we feel, and anxiety, the pain we fear. Fear, if well nourished, can make feared pain real. Were the pains and fears real? If they were. Did they have the power to kill? Yes they did it!. I was killed? No, they didn’t, but surely they could have if I had chosen to harbor them and let them control my life. I have had more than my fair share of both of these types of pain and have seen them expressed in many cancer patients whom I have mentored and I can assure you both can be deadly and of the two anxiety is the more important. complex to manage. Those who say that fear cannot kill have never experienced it at the sustained depths that you and I have.
Anxiety simply has to be managed and kept under control. Hopefully, understanding if for the impostor that he is will be the means to neutralize him. Many people find solace from fear in spiritual faith. I once heard a prominent man say that if you don’t have a spiritual value system and you find out you have cancer, you better get one because you probably will. My advice to patients gripped by this fear would be to fill their minds with good stuff. Read good books, listen to good music, and participate in a serious and organized program of healing meditation. What do you have to lose besides your fears? There is no record in the gospels where Jesus ever healed cancer, but if you look in the gospel of John at verse 12 of chapter 14, I think you will find it clearly implied that we are able to do it in his name. This is not the rant of a television evangelist, but rather a loving look into the depths of the human soul for the purpose of drawing out unheard-of strength. During the nights when the patient cannot sleep, he suggests turning on the light and using the time to read words of comfort at least until he finds enough comfort to get through the night. He takes it one night at a time and then don’t be surprised when he wakes up one bright morning and finds that nothing hurts.
I remember witnessing a humorous incident that occurred on a golf fairway near the back of my condominium a few years ago. It looks like this bald guy was lining up the second shot at him when a premature tee shot from the foursome behind him hit him right on the top of that bald head opening a gaping wound. My neighbor, who is a doctor, ran out to attend to him. When we arrived, the old man was shouting in a daze: “I’m going to die, I’m going to die.” When my friend tried to reassure him, “You’re not going to die,” he angrily replied, “I know damn well I’m going to!!” Of course, he did not die as the wound was both superficial and dramatic. The point of the story is that when anxiety reaches its peak, reason flies out the window, and reassurance becomes hard to take. Keep this simple story in mind when the wave of anxiety washes over you, and it may help you keep your head above water until the wave recedes.
The woman in the message took this advice to heart and, as I expected, all tests came back negative for cancer and lo and behold, the pains subsided immediately. Months later, as the next round of scans approached, all these phantom symptoms tried to come back as well, but she never let them, she just wouldn’t give them refuge in her mind and body. They were soon gone completely.
It is vitally important that all cancer patients understand that human immune cells are fearsome warriors and are very much on your side. Never be afraid to trust in happiness, especially when it is doing its best to perch on your shoulder like a beautiful butterfly.
It’s possible! You CAN beat cancer!