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The key to successful dating: Believing someone IS there for YOU!

During my 10 years of dating after my divorce at the age of 41, I can’t count the number of times I got discouraged about whether the “right” one would ever show up. I dated one man after another and had one disappointment after another. At times, I felt like I was getting closer to the best friend for me. Other times, I took three steps back before taking another step forward. It was frustrating, sometimes infuriating, and occasionally depressing. But through it all, I never gave up hope of finding a long-term compatible partner. And I am totally convinced that this firm belief that there was someone “out there” perfect for me was a key determining factor in my success in meeting my second husband.

Often when I coach people trying to find a life partner, especially those over 40 who have been “burned out” either in a disappointing marriage or series of relationships, despair is common. I hear comments like “I feel like nothing is going to change”, “I’m not sure I know someone that excites me” and “I wonder if I will ever find someone who is emotionally available.” Rather than being saddened, the sense of hopelessness reflected in these statements makes me more determined to help these people see and believe that there is definitely hope for them to find love.

I believe there is a match for everyone, no matter where you live, how old you are, or how limited your dating experience is. This optimism got me through some tough post-divorce dating trails. Sure, there is a “jungle” sometimes, but there is no need to lose hope. They say you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince, and in the dating world over 40, you may have to kiss more than a few. You may also have to spend a lot of effort and time (and even money) finding that person, as many of the “good guys” are already busy by that age. But nothing worthwhile is easy. And all the good comes to those who wait. Therefore, it pays to be realistic, proactive, and patient while pursuing your partner.

If you doubt that you will find a partner, consider this:

1) There are a LOT of fish in the dating sea. For example, there are over 850 online dating sites in the US alone, some with millions of members, so there are a LOT of single people searching. The law of averages says that there is definitely at least ONE person you could love.

2) It has many attractive qualities for any number of potential partners. Therefore, you can deduce that you also have the perfect combination of certain unique attributes that will specifically attract at least one wonderful partner.

3) As in sales, it is a numbers game. You will get a 9 no before you get a yes. So the more people you meet, the closer you get to a match.

4) The only reasons you may not have met your partner yet is that they are still preparing for you or they just haven’t crossed your path. Being patient while you prepare and varying the places you go are two ways to attract him.

If you keep these facts in mind and stay active in the search for a partner, it will be easier to believe that this person EXISTS and that they will soon arrive in your world. Keep faith!

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