Using the Three Circle System in Recovery from Sex Addiction
The Three Circles is a tool designed by the twelve-step organization Sex Addict’s Anonymous (SAA) that is used to define sexual sobriety, set boundaries, and organize behaviors into whether they are addictive, healthy, or in between. You may find this tool helpful during your own recovery from sex addiction.
Draw three circles, one around the other. When you’re done, you should have an inner circle, a middle circle, and an outer circle (it should look like a bullseye). The descriptions below will help you understand which behaviors should go in which circle and why.
the inner circle
In the Inner Circle you will write down all your compulsive sexual behaviors related to your sex addiction. The behaviors that go in this circle are those that you choose to abstain from completely. These are behaviors over which you are powerless, actions that lead to negative consequences, pain and suffering. These sex addiction behaviors make you a danger to yourself and others.
You may find that your inner circle includes things like: exhibitionism, voyeurism, anonymous sex, prostitution, phone sex, child molestation, incest, or any other type of behavior that is clearly and definitely associated with your sex addiction and has consequences. negative. consequences to oneself or others. If you find yourself wondering which of your behaviors should be in the Inner Circle, ask yourself the following questions: Are you unable to stop the behavior when you want to? Do you keep this behavior a secret? if this behavior were revealed, there would be negative consequences; uses the behavior to avoid emotion or responsibility; And does your behavior lack intimacy and respect for yourself or others? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, you are likely dealing with inner circle behavior from your sex addiction.
the middle circle
Behaviors that belong to the Middle Circle are those that are less destructive than those of the Inner Circle, those that do not fall into the category of uncontrollable sexual addiction but do not reach the level of ideal behavior. You could think of the Middle Circle as the gray area. As you begin the initial recovery process, you can also place the behaviors you are unsure about in the Middle Circle.
The middle circle is generally made up of behaviors that will eventually cause you to slip up if done too long or too often. As you progress in your healing, you will most likely begin to understand that the behaviors that were initially placed in the Middle Circle actually belong in the Inner Circle. However, recovery from sex addiction is not an overnight process and you should address what you can as you can.
Some of the behaviors that could end up in your Middle Circle include: looking for prostitutes or a place to perform, acting seductive in an inappropriate situation, contacting former sexual partners, surfing the Internet late at night alone, spending time with young children, and anything else that might cause eventual triggers or a slip in their addictive behavior.
the outer circle
Just as you knew for sure that the behaviors listed in the inner circle were compulsive, rooted in sex addiction, dangerous, and destructive, the behaviors listed in the outer circle are those that you know for sure will lead to greater success. in their life. recovery and should be freely encouraged and practiced. The outer circle is made up of behaviors that you choose because they enhance your life, your recovery, and your spirituality. In contrast to the Inner Circle behaviors, which serve to keep you isolated in your sex addiction, the Outer Circle list will help you stay engaged with the community and reality. These behaviors also lead to self-confidence and inner peace.
Your list of outer circle behaviors, those that benefit your recovery from sex addiction, might include working on a twelve-step program, attending group meetings, engaging in sexual activities within a committed relationship, a new hobby or sport, develop non-sexual friendships, or exercise and meditation.
It is not necessary that you have your three circles perfectly worked. This will be an ongoing process. As you learn more about yourself and your addiction to sex, you will find that things change and change. It is strongly recommended that you work with your sponsor, or another sober sex addict, in developing your Three Circles. Remember that it is your insular thinking and self-deception that has kept you locked in your addiction. Working alone in these circles can give you a list that is too lenient or too strict. You may find that working on your sobriety with a group or sponsor will bring you the clarity you’ve been missing.